Unruly students are a result of teachers who consider themselves superior, writes Srijaya char
Deepak was angry and was throwing up a tantrum for being asked to do the 'dirty work' of cleaning up the mess he had made out of his toys in the room. Finagling is neither proper for a parent nor a teacher to correct a child.
If putting back the toys in its places is called 'dirty work', the child's psyche gets disturbed. It becomes emotional black mail when a parent says that he cannot go out to play if he does not clean up his dirty room. The parent should avoid the word 'dirty' while referring to his room or toys.
Similarly when a teacher shouts at a child saying, "You have not done your homework. You will stay back in class during your games period and complete it. You are not going to budge from your desk. This is the punishment," the child feels finagled. The teacher's voice and mood tell the child that something very unpleasant has happened. Whenever words like dirty, naughty, stubborn, and punishment are used by parents and teachers, it hurts the child deeply.
It may not occur to the teacher that there is a silent emotional struggle within the little child's psyche. An honest interaction with the child would do a lot of good rather than this kind of manipulative technique.
Instead, "Abhishek, you have not done your homework that was to be handed in today. Can you forgo your games period for completing it?" would be a better way of putting it.
When teachers use words like lazy, mischievous, naughty and phrases like 'good for nothing', 'You deserve to be in standard I' in front of the whole class, they are only sending messages that silently and slowly erode the child's psyche. The student is not the one to accept these without fighting back. He may take advantage of a situation in which the teacher is vulnerable. He may create problems which become more difficult to handle. The psychological manipulation that the teacher directs at the student boomerangs very effectively.
'This is what she taught him, didn't she?' "Wait until your parents come for their reports, I shall tell them all the stupid things that you bring to the class to distract other students," says a teacher. The teacher may not realize that this works on the mind of the student in negative ways. These types of puppet-strings however, have unfortunate side-effects. "What are the stupid things I brought to class?" He does not know.
"Yes. I was playing with a toy car that I brought from home the other day and the other students were distracted by it." What he could not understand was why the car was 'stupid'. Obviously, he did not know why she should have called his car stupid. The best thing for the teacher should have been to take away the car from him if he was playing with it during the class and called him separately during break-time and told him that he cannot bring toys from home to distract others during class time. Of course, he could now play with it until the bell rings and put it back in his bag when the class starts.
Ironically, all the unwanted types of finagling that the teachers try to do to their students can be simplified by an explanation. It is sad that many teachers try to achieve their goal by being one up on their students. It never helps.
Children are plain, straightforward, and honest. It is we, adults with our manipulative techniques, who make them otherwise. In olden days students would feel that teachers' love is conditional on their 100% obedience. Even teachers, perhaps thought that they had all the authority and the students had none. Today, we need not share this view.
Those were the days when parents and teachers thought that rudeness on their part towards their children was okay, but not vice-versa. Instead of telling a child not to be 'rude' it is best never to be rude ourselves to anyone in the presence of children.
Using abusive language even to the menials in the presence of children and later checking them for the same behavior begets only disrespect.
Students respect their teachers in a way they are respected. It is reciprocal. No student can tolerate being finagled all the time. Discipline may be a fond word in an institution. But overdoing it suffocates the students' natural impulse to act and impedes their ability to do anything creative and innovative.
Vandalism is a result of anger that cannot be exhibited. Many times I feel all the aggressiveness and terrorism that prevails in society today could be eliminated if we as adults understand our youngsters in the right way from the time they are very young.
Maria Montessori opines that "the child is not understood very well anywhere." She feels that "this ignorance is the consequence of the subconscious apprehension and annoyance we manifest toward the child from the very first moments of its life."
She explains how an instinctive defensiveness about our possessions, even if they are worth nothing, becomes responsible for this kind of behavior in adults." If parents and teachers understand the spirit of the child and the importance needed for his/her liberty, vandalistic attitude could be avoided.
Deepak was angry and was throwing up a tantrum for being asked to do the 'dirty work' of cleaning up the mess he had made out of his toys in the room. Finagling is neither proper for a parent nor a teacher to correct a child.
If putting back the toys in its places is called 'dirty work', the child's psyche gets disturbed. It becomes emotional black mail when a parent says that he cannot go out to play if he does not clean up his dirty room. The parent should avoid the word 'dirty' while referring to his room or toys.
Similarly when a teacher shouts at a child saying, "You have not done your homework. You will stay back in class during your games period and complete it. You are not going to budge from your desk. This is the punishment," the child feels finagled. The teacher's voice and mood tell the child that something very unpleasant has happened. Whenever words like dirty, naughty, stubborn, and punishment are used by parents and teachers, it hurts the child deeply.
It may not occur to the teacher that there is a silent emotional struggle within the little child's psyche. An honest interaction with the child would do a lot of good rather than this kind of manipulative technique.
Instead, "Abhishek, you have not done your homework that was to be handed in today. Can you forgo your games period for completing it?" would be a better way of putting it.
When teachers use words like lazy, mischievous, naughty and phrases like 'good for nothing', 'You deserve to be in standard I' in front of the whole class, they are only sending messages that silently and slowly erode the child's psyche. The student is not the one to accept these without fighting back. He may take advantage of a situation in which the teacher is vulnerable. He may create problems which become more difficult to handle. The psychological manipulation that the teacher directs at the student boomerangs very effectively.
'This is what she taught him, didn't she?' "Wait until your parents come for their reports, I shall tell them all the stupid things that you bring to the class to distract other students," says a teacher. The teacher may not realize that this works on the mind of the student in negative ways. These types of puppet-strings however, have unfortunate side-effects. "What are the stupid things I brought to class?" He does not know.
"Yes. I was playing with a toy car that I brought from home the other day and the other students were distracted by it." What he could not understand was why the car was 'stupid'. Obviously, he did not know why she should have called his car stupid. The best thing for the teacher should have been to take away the car from him if he was playing with it during the class and called him separately during break-time and told him that he cannot bring toys from home to distract others during class time. Of course, he could now play with it until the bell rings and put it back in his bag when the class starts.
Ironically, all the unwanted types of finagling that the teachers try to do to their students can be simplified by an explanation. It is sad that many teachers try to achieve their goal by being one up on their students. It never helps.
Children are plain, straightforward, and honest. It is we, adults with our manipulative techniques, who make them otherwise. In olden days students would feel that teachers' love is conditional on their 100% obedience. Even teachers, perhaps thought that they had all the authority and the students had none. Today, we need not share this view.
Those were the days when parents and teachers thought that rudeness on their part towards their children was okay, but not vice-versa. Instead of telling a child not to be 'rude' it is best never to be rude ourselves to anyone in the presence of children.
Using abusive language even to the menials in the presence of children and later checking them for the same behavior begets only disrespect.
Students respect their teachers in a way they are respected. It is reciprocal. No student can tolerate being finagled all the time. Discipline may be a fond word in an institution. But overdoing it suffocates the students' natural impulse to act and impedes their ability to do anything creative and innovative.
Vandalism is a result of anger that cannot be exhibited. Many times I feel all the aggressiveness and terrorism that prevails in society today could be eliminated if we as adults understand our youngsters in the right way from the time they are very young.
Maria Montessori opines that "the child is not understood very well anywhere." She feels that "this ignorance is the consequence of the subconscious apprehension and annoyance we manifest toward the child from the very first moments of its life."
She explains how an instinctive defensiveness about our possessions, even if they are worth nothing, becomes responsible for this kind of behavior in adults." If parents and teachers understand the spirit of the child and the importance needed for his/her liberty, vandalistic attitude could be avoided.