Bullying, in school as well as cyber bullying, is a growing concern in many schools. Take the case of eleven year old Hetal.
Hetal had always lived in the same neighbourhood as the girl gang that had begun bullying her.
What was especially painful for her was that Leena, who had been her friend since childhood, had now moved over to the other "side", the side of the girls who bullied her.
Hetal avoided the girls whenever she could, but was forced to travel with them in the school bus and study with them in the same class. Things came to a head when Hetal started dreading going to school at all.
Her busy parents, who only saw that she hated going to school but did not know the reason since Hetal was not forthcoming, finally took her to a therapist who managed to get Hetal talking about her actual fears. She counseled Hetal and over a period of time, things got much better for her.
Causes of Bullying
More often than not, it is the quiet, sensitive child who becomes the target of bullying. But what could be the reason for bullying? Experts say that most bullies have an unnatural need for "control." A child who in "weak" will be particularly targeted.
This will commonly be the loner, or the quiet, sensitive student who the bully feels will register hurt but not hit back. Insecurity on the part of the bully could be one of the reasons for him/her wanting to hit out and hide their own feelings of inadequacy.
Show No Fear
Here are a few tips to appear braver than you feel. Keep your body language, facial expression and stance neutral. That means not hunching your shoulders, or looking down, or making restless gestures or looking fearful when talking to bullies.
n Also, consciously talk a notch louder. A low, tentative voice is a magnet for bullies. You don't need to shout, but make a conscious effort to make your voice and tone sound confident, even if you aren't.
Take efforts to talk more if you are not a naturally talkative person. Most shy children feel everybody can see their fear or everybody will laugh at what they have to say. But if you practice a few harmless, open sentences about everyday topics, you may find it easier to blend.
n Do not stare but also do not avoid eye contact when faced with the bully. Be natural. Evasive eyes may indicate that you are aware of and fear his/her presence.
Make a Few FriendsEverybody needs a few people they can talk to, whether young or old.
Even having a couple of such friends in your life can make a difference. While you don't have to be over-friendly with anyone to make new friends, you could try being more open and mentally ready to forming friendships naturally. Or, if you have a loving family member like a parent or grandparent, or a kind teacher, you can share your thoughts with them when needed.
Love Yourself
Finally, as the former American first lady Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
If you feel your low self-esteem or lack of friends makes you an easy target, then you need to find activities that will help you inculcate a sense of achievement and pride in yourself. Some trial-and-error should help you find out what these things are.
Join hobby clubs in school or participate in the various school competitions held regularly.
You can also try helping out other students in their studies or donating some time and resources to needy children. But also remember to be patient and tolerant with yourself. You are a precious human being who deserves to be respected. If a bully at school is troubling you, it's time to come out of your shell and take better care of yourself now. Confide in your parents or loved ones and teachers. Talk to more people and keep your eyes and ears open.
Chances are, there may be other kids like you who feel the same. Don't let the situation make you more of a loner. Instead, reach out for help.
Hetal had always lived in the same neighbourhood as the girl gang that had begun bullying her.
What was especially painful for her was that Leena, who had been her friend since childhood, had now moved over to the other "side", the side of the girls who bullied her.
Hetal avoided the girls whenever she could, but was forced to travel with them in the school bus and study with them in the same class. Things came to a head when Hetal started dreading going to school at all.
Her busy parents, who only saw that she hated going to school but did not know the reason since Hetal was not forthcoming, finally took her to a therapist who managed to get Hetal talking about her actual fears. She counseled Hetal and over a period of time, things got much better for her.
Causes of Bullying
More often than not, it is the quiet, sensitive child who becomes the target of bullying. But what could be the reason for bullying? Experts say that most bullies have an unnatural need for "control." A child who in "weak" will be particularly targeted.
This will commonly be the loner, or the quiet, sensitive student who the bully feels will register hurt but not hit back. Insecurity on the part of the bully could be one of the reasons for him/her wanting to hit out and hide their own feelings of inadequacy.
Show No Fear
Here are a few tips to appear braver than you feel. Keep your body language, facial expression and stance neutral. That means not hunching your shoulders, or looking down, or making restless gestures or looking fearful when talking to bullies.
n Also, consciously talk a notch louder. A low, tentative voice is a magnet for bullies. You don't need to shout, but make a conscious effort to make your voice and tone sound confident, even if you aren't.
Take efforts to talk more if you are not a naturally talkative person. Most shy children feel everybody can see their fear or everybody will laugh at what they have to say. But if you practice a few harmless, open sentences about everyday topics, you may find it easier to blend.
n Do not stare but also do not avoid eye contact when faced with the bully. Be natural. Evasive eyes may indicate that you are aware of and fear his/her presence.
Make a Few FriendsEverybody needs a few people they can talk to, whether young or old.
Even having a couple of such friends in your life can make a difference. While you don't have to be over-friendly with anyone to make new friends, you could try being more open and mentally ready to forming friendships naturally. Or, if you have a loving family member like a parent or grandparent, or a kind teacher, you can share your thoughts with them when needed.
Love Yourself
Finally, as the former American first lady Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
If you feel your low self-esteem or lack of friends makes you an easy target, then you need to find activities that will help you inculcate a sense of achievement and pride in yourself. Some trial-and-error should help you find out what these things are.
Join hobby clubs in school or participate in the various school competitions held regularly.
You can also try helping out other students in their studies or donating some time and resources to needy children. But also remember to be patient and tolerant with yourself. You are a precious human being who deserves to be respected. If a bully at school is troubling you, it's time to come out of your shell and take better care of yourself now. Confide in your parents or loved ones and teachers. Talk to more people and keep your eyes and ears open.
Chances are, there may be other kids like you who feel the same. Don't let the situation make you more of a loner. Instead, reach out for help.