Alex is devastated. The popcorn-tossing, brandy-snap baking whiz CANNOT believe what he's just done. Or rather, not done. In a crucial 'Taste Test' on a blockbuster cookery show, watched by drooling couch potatoes across the world, he's forgotten that yeast is an essential ingredient in pizza dough.
His pal, the usually unflappable Pierre, is too busy stewing in his own grief to offer Alex a smidgen of comfort. Guess why? Pierre, whose Lamb Wellington has a cult following on YouTube, has just discovered that he doesn't "know" semolina. "I've never had it before!" he mumbles, berating himself. "I knew there was some kind of powdery stuff added to pizza dough, but I couldn't guess what it was."
Would it help if someone gently reminded Alex and Pierre that they are 11 and 12-years-old, respectively? And that there aren't many tweens in the world who can temper chocolate or bake golden puff pastry like they've just done?
No, it won't. Not when the boys are locked in fierce battle with 48 other equally gifted 8-12 year-olds on Junior Masterchef Australia (Season 1) — a show that most of India is lapping up Monday to Friday, 9 pm on Star World.
After weeks of watching Siena whip up yummy cake batter, Jack rustle up Thai green curry with caramelised rice and Isabella Bliss gravely announce that escargots ('snails' to you and me) taste "far better with garlic butter," a friend told me last night that she wouldn't consider her 13-year-old to have "come of age" until he could, among other things, make murungaka sambar from scratch!
I'm sure Isabella and Sofia Bliss, Cassidy, Sam, Alex, Emily, and every pint-sized wonder on the show would approve.
Deft and decisive in the kitchen, and remarkably familiar with world cuisine (think moussaka; think kourabiedes; try not to think wikipedia) these children have just raised the bar as well as the whole darn kitchen counter for the rest of us.
They are showing us how to turn interest and appetite into something useful...like cookbook deals, talk shows and — take a deep breath — an opportunity to conjure up dessert for Oprah Winfrey!
With enviable sangfroid, they encourage us to plan meals, keeping technique "simple and clean" and ingredients "honest and fresh."
They amend their recipes with cooking tips from "mom and grand mom," and quote gems from a plethora of best-selling cookbooks.
They talk molecular gastronomy; they extoll the hearty flavours of freshly-picked thyme and basil; they have little patience for messy cupcake makers ("practise hard on weekends" is their advice).
If that's unreal, get this: there's no 'we-know-it-all' smugness on show here. Neither is there any brattiness on display. After high-fiving the affable judges, these children — shortlisted from over 5,500 applicants across Australia for Season 1 of the show — are ready and willing to be thrown into the proverbial fire of planning, timing and all that goes along with coming up with an 11/10 dish in every episode.
Whether it's the 'Mystery Box Challenge', the 'Hot & Cold Challenge', or the 'Taste Test', they are innovative and inspired.
I caught Jack stage-whispering that he'd be cheating just a little: he'll use readymade custard powder instead of cornflour for his signature dish — Vanilla Slice — because he's got just 60 minutes to go. And Emily who is making trifle, on this particular episode, cheerfully substitutes jam for jelly because "jelly takes too long to set and time's running out!"
The judges — warm, wise and witty — don't take too kindly to such shortcuts. But they are gracious enough to let (some) bygones be bygones, and they welcome every bravo attempt with genuine enthusiasm.
And so it has come to be that a nation of foodies, across the seas, now willingly suspends disbelief and tunes in unfailingly to watch Australian kids make pretty twirls on cupcakes, coax sunshine yellow egg yolks into giant egg ravioli and steam salmon to pink perfection.
As for me, I'll just be happy to do the dishes.